As anyone who has experienced the effects of divorce will be well aware, separations can be stressful, time-consuming, and disruptive.
Behavior
What are the Effects of Divorce on Children?
As anyone who has experienced the effects of divorce will be well aware, separations can be stressful, time-consuming, and disruptive.
This is especially true for couples with children, as questions surrounding custody arrangements and living situations start to arise. Parents may also worry about how their children will cope with the divorce, with many going out of their way to limit the emotional pain that family ruptures can cause. So what are the effects of divorce on children? And what steps might parents, guardians, and educators take to ensure that children bounce back after changes in their living situation?
The following guide comprehensively answers questions surrounding divorce and children, which should help lessen the psychological effects of divorce on children. It should also be noted that, although the US divorce rate hit the headlines recently after seeing a decline of 18% between 2008 and 2016, marriage rates are simultaneously declining. In this way, children whose parents never married may still be affected by the effects of separation. Much of the advice here also applies to these children.
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How divorce affects children in the short term
It will probably be no surprise that kids often find the initial year after a divorce the most difficult. During the first months of changes, children will likely experience strong emotions, including anxiety, disbelief, anger, and sadness. Fortunately, many kids are resilient and will bounce back from the upset relatively quickly. They will get used to different living arrangements and changes in routine.
However, some kids struggle more than others and experience prolonged (sometimes even permanent) psychological issues after their parent’s divorce.
The emotional impact of divorce on children
Divorce can generate emotional upset across an entire family. However, the experience can be confusing, frustrating, and even scary for kids. Depending on the age of the child, a range of common feelings may arise:
- Very young children often find it difficult to comprehend why they now have to spend time between different homes. Moreover, they may worry that their parents may stop loving them because they appear to have stopped loving each other.
- Children in grade school may blame themselves for the divorce and could be afraid that their behavior caused the rift between their parents.
- Teenagers are likely to feel angry about the divorce and its impact on their lives. They may blame one or both parents for altering family dynamics.
Of course, these are only guidelines, and it is important to understand that every situation is unique. Some kids may feel a sense of relief if their parents’ marriage has always been full of tension and animosity.
Events that may upset kids during or after a divorce
- Kids of divorced parents often find they lose daily contact with a parent. Most often, the parent is the father. According to a study released in 2014, many children feel less closely bonded to their fathers after their parents have divorced.
- Parents may face discipline issues with their children after a divorce.
- Some kids find that the most difficult aspects of divorce are the major life changes associated with it. These could include moving into a new home, living with a parent who may themselves be experiencing grief and upset, or changing schools.
- Some parents also experience financial hardship after a divorce, meaning that their kids have to adjust to living in a smaller home, a different neighborhood, or having fewer material goods.
Issues surrounding remarriage and changes to the family structure
According to a study by the Pew Research Center, around 40% of the new marriages in the US in 2013 involved at least one spouse who had been married before. This means that many kids experience significant changes in family dynamics as they grow up.
Adjusting to living with step-parents and new step-siblings can be difficult, often forcing kids to handle a range of new and confusing emotions at once.
Divorce may increase a child’s risk of developing mental health problems
It is thought that divorce may increase a child’s risk of developing mental health problems. Regardless of age, gender, or background, children of divorced parents tend to have higher rates of depression and anxiety. It is important to note that many young people experience short-term adjustment issues that tend to resolve after a few months. If adjustment seems to be taking longer than this, however, then intervention may be necessary.
Behavioral issues may arise after divorce
Children whose parents have separated tend to experience higher rates of behavioral problems, such as a lack of impulse control, compared to young people growing up in two-parent families. They are also more likely to experience conflict with their friends and classmates.
Divorce may hamper academic performance
Children of divorced couples tend not to perform as well in their academic pursuits compared to those whose parents are still together.
Children of divorcees are more like to demonstrate risky behavior
Teenagers with divorced parents have a higher chance of engaging in risky behavior than those whose parents are still together. Such behavior could include early sexual activity and using substances such as alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, and other drugs.
According to research released in 2010, adolescents who experience parental divorce when they are five years old or younger are at a markedly higher risk of becoming sexually active before age 16.
Issues that may continue into adulthood
The issues that children experience after parental divorce do not always resolve before they become adults. Indeed, adults affected by divorce in their childhood are at an increased risk of relationship difficulties. In this way, they are more likely to go through a divorce themselves.
Fortunately, there are steps that parents can take to mitigate the psychological effects of divorce on their children and to improve family dynamics. Strategies include:
Keep things civil with your co-parent
Children are likely to feel far more distressed if they witness intense conflict between their parents. While it may be tempting to display hostile behavior towards your former partner, it could increase the risk of behavioral problems in your child. Finding peaceful co-parenting particularly difficult may be worth reaching out for professional help if you find it particularly difficult.
Work to sustain a stable and healthy relationship with your child
Maintaining low conflict levels with your children and making an active effort to show love and warmth may help to make the divorce process much less stressful and reduce the chances of psychological problems. Indeed, sustaining a healthy relationship with your child could help to improve their academic performance and boost their self-esteem after a divorce.
Don’t get kids involved in marital conflicts
Do not ask your kids to choose which parent they prefer or ask them to pass messages along to your ex-spouse. Putting kids in the middle of conflict makes them more likely to experience anxiety and depression.
Keep an eye on adolescents
Closely monitoring the actions of teenagers mitigates the likelihood that they will display behavioral issues after a divorce.
Equip your kids with relevant coping mechanisms
Teach your kids coping strategies such as cognitive restructuring and problem-solving. This will help them to manage any difficult thoughts or feelings in a measured and healthy way.
Be consistent when disciplining your child
Follow through with any warnings and ensure that your house rules are age-appropriate. Failure to be consistent when disciplining your child will increase the likelihood that they will act up and experience behavioral issues.
Remind your child of their strength
Teaching your child, they are resilient and strong will help them process the difficult aspects of divorce.
Attend a course for divorced parents
Plenty of special education programs are designed for divorcees who want to reduce the impact of parental conflict on their children. Such programs will teach you helpful strategies and co-parenting skills that can be used in your daily life.
Remind your child that they are safe and secure in your home
Many children of divorced parents experience feelings of abandonment and may feel anxious about the future. Reminding your child, they are safe and loved regularly will reduce their risk of developing mental health issues.
Consider getting professional help for yourself
Attending to your issues can greatly reduce your child’s stress and help you to adjust to changing family dynamics. Make sure to practice regular self-care and consider professional help.
Are kids better off if their unhappy parents stay married?
Although divorce can be very difficult for young people to process, staying together purely for the sake of family dynamics can be just as tough, if not more damaging, to children. This is because kids who live in households filled with hostility and arguments are at a high risk of experiencing mental health issues and developing behavioral problems.
Should you seek professional help for your child?
It is normal for young people to take a little time to adjust to parental separation and to process their complex feelings. However, if they experience behavioral issues and low mood for a prolonged period, it may be a good idea to seek professional help.
